August, what a great time to participate in the
"Odd Olympics", especially if you're a couch potato, an armchair athlete or a poor soul with two left feet!
On the other hand, if you`re in a quandary about why a cow would want to jump over the moon, who let the "Michigan Moaner" loose, and who's going to win the "Golden Goose Egg Award" in the egg-and-spoon relay -- you need a vacation!
So kick back, toss your TV remote control and cell phone in the lake, and try fly-swatting for a change!
On the other hand, for all those who have to report for work and suffer from far too many liquid lunches, limp watercress sandwiches, and lightweight daydreams, consider celebrating
Men from Mars Day. (That's when masked men with maps and Mayflower Madams on their minds descend from simmering, sleek, sightseeing spaceships to discover they've not only arrived on the wrong planet, but also 3,542 years too late for the beach party.)
So without further adieu, adios, arrivederci, au revoir, auf Wiedersehen, not to mention cheerio, ciao, pip pip, tah tah, toodle-oo, see you later Alligator, and that wretched standby
"Have a Nice Day!" why not take our advice and enjoy these good-humored, good-for-nothing activities that exemplify the merry month of August.
August 1 - BATHTUB RACING DAY (Grab an old bathtub, put on some wheels and add an old motor or some oars, then find a place to float your funky boat!)
August 2 - NATIONAL ABBREVIATION APPRECIATION DAY (Time to celebrate the ancient sport of skinny-dipping, the science of getting down to bare essentials, and the fine art of bikinis, briefs and box shorts.)
August 3 - ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN RECOGNITION DAY (A great way to honor weird things that are bound to melt sooner or later and leave a smelly mess behind.)
August 4 - BOB DID IT DAY (Anything you'd dearly love to pin on dear old Bob, now's the time to do it.)
August 5 - DEVIL'S ADVOCATE DAY (Time to get out your bull horns, slip into a flaming red spandex suit, and grab a rusty pitchfork because it's time to honor all those who adore playing "Devil's Advocate" in your workplace!)
August 6 - NATIONAL HYPOCHONDRIAC APPRECIATION DAY (It's time for another "Pity Pot Party" where you get to pick your favorite ailment as an excuse to skip work today!)
August 7 - LEFT-FIELD AWARENESS DAY (Time to honor all those things that come appear out of nowhere and hit you on the head every now and then like bird droppings, old flames, and visits from long-lost relatives.)
August 8 SCARLET PIMPERNEL & MATA HARI DAY (Time to go incognito or undercover and be your favorite mystery man or maven; what's your nom de plume and what's your game?)
August 9 - ALPHABET APPRECIATION DAY (Time to talk about people, places and things beginning with the letter "B" like "Bucky Beaver", "Bobo" (Alabama), or the "bogey man".)
August 10 -UGLY ART & ARCHITECTURE DAY (Time to award the "No. 1 Eyesore" in your community; hint, it's the thing that even a flea market couldn't sell).
August 11 - LEO RECOGNITION DAY (This is payback time when you get to showcase those smug, stubborn, sulky sorts who strut about and stroke their locks, play with their curls, or simply wear a crown to cover their over-sized cerebellums).
August 12 - BIFFY BEAUTIFICATION DAY (Yup it's time to remodel, redecorate or revive that classic piece of American architecture the mobile ablution hut better known as the cottage outhouse, the camp latrine, or the outdoor privy.)
August 13 - BEAT-AROUND-THE-BUSH DAY (A time-honored occasion to evade thorny issues, lead folks down the garden path, and practice your hem-and-hawing skills.)
August 14 - CLUTTERBUG & PACK-RAT APPRECIATION DAY (It's never too late to recognize the contribution made by frenzied folks who are fond of collecting oodles of paper, bits of string, not to mention broken pencils and old photographs.)
August 15 - GONG SHOW AWARD DAY (Is there a delightful ding-dong diva or dude waiting to be recognized in your workplace or neighborhood?)
August 16 - NATTY NAPKIN DAY (Why not celebrate one of the most overlooked pieces of puff we have today, the humble dickey, the cheery chin-wiper, or that breathtaking bib and tucker outfit.)
August 17 - BEST BILLBOARD IN TOWN AWARD (Time to choose your favorite outdoor ad, the one that makes you jump elegantly for joy, roll merrily in the street, or quietly split your sides laughing.)
August 18 - FAKE FLOWER RECOGNITION DAY (Time to plant those plastic pots of PVC pansies on the deck to impress your know-it-all in-laws or nosey neighbors.)
August 19 - THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD PREDICT DAY (Time to put on your crash-helmet on because this could be a real winner!)
August 20 - EXCESS BAGGAGE APPRECIATION DAY (There's someone out there you know who always packs a 350-pound bag for an overnight trip to somewhere...this is his/her day!)
August 21 - BY-THE-BOOK REWARD DAY (A great occasion to honor those who never do a thing without consulting the operating instructions, or a policy and procedures manual.)
August 22 - NATIONAL BUTTER-FINGERS APPRECIATION DAY (So who do you know who constantly drops the ball, cannot climb a slippery pole, or sucks their thumb a lot?)
August 23 - NATIONAL CAVE MAN RECOGNITION DAY (Time to honor the best breast-beater you know or failing that, the best burned beef barbecue cook in your neighborhood.)
August 24 COCKTAILS & CAPERS DAY (Time to see who can whip up a "Blue Blazer", a daring "Daiquiri", a "Horse's Neck", a "Margarita", a "Pink Lady", or snappy "Sidecar" without a recipe of course.)
August 25 - BLAH BLAH BLAH & BLANKETY-BLANK-BLANK-BLANK APPRECIATION DAY (Frankly, what would the world be without naughty little words to fill in the blanks after hitting one's thumb with a hammer, listening to a talking head, or giving someone else a piece of your mind?)
August 26 - AAAH & OOOH AWARENESS DAY (Time to tell everyone you know what you want for your birthday, Christmas and Employee Appreciation Day.)
August 27 - STUFF YOU SHOULDN'T DO ON YOUR FIRST DAY ON THE JOB DAY (An occasion to honor the fine art of doodling, whistling while you work, or grooming your guinea pig in your cubicle.)
August 28 - MEN FROM MARS DAY (A good opportunity to check out the little green guys not to be confused with "Men from Glad" who grumble about carrying out your trash every week, adore swatting the occasional fly, and claim they were born with a convenient push-button TV remote control located on their navels naturally.)
August 29 - THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T LEND DAY (Let's see, there's your birthday suit, your pet boa, or your delightful dentures.)
August 30 - THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T KISS DAY (This list might include frogs and toads, Big Bird and the Blarney Stone not to mention cheap imitations of Prince Charming or the Princess of Prunes!)
August 31 - HORSE IN THE BATHROOM APPRECIATION DAY (Time to tell all those "would you believe it" stories, that might leave some scratching their heads or yelling for more!)
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This curious calendar is compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and Lord Earl Craboon, (two charm-free types who, having been tossed out of the House of Lords and Ladies in Jolly Olde England, are now well ensconced in the Court of the "Quipping Queen" situated on the tip of Vancouver Island waiting for a 9 point on the Richter scale earthquake to hit at any moment.) 
