PEACE AND QUIET IN JAMES BAY?

Well, if you call James Bay home, you might have thought it was in the middle of a war zone recently.

The eardrums of residents were bombarded by the canons coming from a myriad of "man o'wars" floating about off Ogden Point. As if that was not enough, the blessed bow-wows began barking and running for cover beneath the beds; the crazy crows lost their cool; the screaming-meemie kids all demanded more bubble-gum ice-cream, and the shell-shocked clocks went berserk (see photo insert for proof)!

So, if you have any complaints, just contact the Mayor...he always loves to hear from rattled residents!

IS CHANGE IN THE AIR?

A new bandshell, a biffy, or just a bird-watchers paradise for Ogden Point?

PUTTING ON THE DOG

For those who know that "you can't teach an old dog new tricks", or that it's better to "let sleeping dogs lie", then you probably won't want to "put on the dog"...unless of course you don't want to be outdone by another place that wants to win first prize for "doggone" good things!

Speaking of "letting the place go to the dogs", methinks that the City of Langley had a "grrrrt" idea in posting a rather puckish sort of pooch sign in their parks.

The creative effort on the part of a municipality across the pond will perhaps spawn a few bright ideas about what brand of bow-wow humor the City of Victoria has in store for all its tail-wagging taxpayers? (Note to Self: Beware of the hand that feeds dog-guardians unless you're prepared to bite the biscuit first!)

Please send your suggestions to the James Bay Babbler by emailing: jamesbaybabbler[at]yahoo.com.

AN ODD LITTLE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in an odd little neighborhood where people prefer to abandon an old sofa on a scenic horse-drawn carriage route (such as Montreal Street) than leave an old book lying around in a public place for a complete stranger to come by and pick it up.

Now the laundry room...well, that's an entirely different matter. "Lost & Found" it is not, but, on the other hand, it's a convenient corner to deposit one's ancient analogue TV set complete with rabbit ears, a speckled-tomato and popcorn-spattered microwave, or perhaps a perfectly good pair of previously-enjoyed hot pink "Crocs".

Which reminds me, strange things turn up when you least expect them, like last summer when I happened upon several oddities carefully stashed away from the high tides and soggy seaweed at Ogden Point. A great find as I recall -- an assortment of colorfully painted round stones inscribed with a myriad of merry messages: "This is a Smile Stone!", "Get Your Own Pet Rock!" and "Color Me Happy!"

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN JAMES BAY?

1. There is no tweed curtain to hide behind or to keep unwanted visitors out.

2. Not a welcome sign in sight but that doesn't discourage a droning bagpipe player at the entrance to the Inner Harbour from entertaining tourists and driving James Bayers to drink!

3. Horses have the right of way (see photo insert).

4. "Quaint" refers to the hand-painted Emergency Preparedness Container in Irving Park, (Menzies and Michigan).

5. There's a preponderance of palatial poop decks in port during the summer months.

6. Scooters driven by feisty Freedom-55ers are considered a hazard of living here.

7. Guano-producing gulls, cackling crows, and crapping Canada Geese add a certain ambiance to the place.

8. Calling the commissionaires to ticket non-resident vehicles is a favorite pastime of the locals.

9. Sleep-deprivation and hearing loss are considered "collateral damage" (caused by cacophony of cruiseships, the ripsnorting roar of seaplane engines, the humming of helicopter blades, not to mention the hullabaloo of far too many holiday-makers).

10. There are no snakes in the grass, (unless you count the ones slithering about in the eco-friendly hallways and well-manicured grounds of the provincial legislature).